amazingly, i survived with 2 left legs, dacning hip hop from 9am to 6+ pm!

*round of applause*

*bow bow bow*

it was fantastic! ^^

love every min of it and we danced to the mass dace "sorry sorry" for group Bs and our own B3's "abracadabra"!

*WOOOO~!!!!*

tiring? definitely.

fun? no doubt!

and when we perform it to the rest of CASS, our "abracadabra" 's butt-swaying got the rest of CASS roaring in excitement! xDDD

must have been the effect of our B3 boys' smexy butts! xDDDD

anw, i left soon after our group has danced, but i forgotten to bid our Studio Wu's instructor Yi Wen goodbye T_T

so sad!

the instructors from that dance school are funny and amazing!

its a wonder how they can shine so bright on the same dull stage when they performed!

left to meet dii who already waited for me for a VERY LONG TIME!!! T_T

*i'm so sorry!!!!*

we went to wisma and bought myself a new spec that i intend to send to a optimistist to have it completed with lenses of my degrees!

i shouldn't have gone to Imodel.

there's no such thing as a dream.

all u get is buckets of cold water poured onto you by ur family.

even though u already thought about all the negative things and is disheartened yourself, they add on to it.

they point out all the negative things that u have already thought of and questioned you as a being.

and when u break down, they only tell you this

"why can't you just focus on ur studies?!" and leave the room.

and when u tell ur mom that all u ever hope to get out of this is that she goes down and listen abt it for herself before she makes her decision.

and she just said "i have no time to do stupid thing. Jessie ever sign up but nothing in return"

whatever i wanted, all are rubbish.

what i wished, irrelevant.

what i did, inpractical.

so what am i?

its just as good as denying me as a being.

im not even asking for money from my family members.

even if its a scam, its a price im willing to pay for thinking too highly of myself, for daring to dream.

its not like i didn't use my brain to think at all.

i was so nervous throughout the whole trip back home after returning from the agency.

i was overcomed by lots of negative thoughts and i know im not pretty/tall.

i know what i am not, but what i don't know is what i can acheived.

i don't wanna live a mumdane life - growing up, be an OL, find a man, get married, have children and eventually die of old age/illness.

i wanna live a little.

i wanna try out different things.

say that i've got big-headed, whatever, but i still wanna give it a try.

and because i value you all more than the job, that's why i asked you all to give me a little support.

at least talk to the agency and talk a little abt it.

BUT all i got is a flat-out "NO".

and then another "i know you are not that stupid."

don't tell me that you all didn't have a point in life where you wanted to try out something new.

even how inpractical, how impossible it seems, but you still feel like giving it a go.

even though you yourself know that you have a high chance of not succeeding, but knowing that there is still A CHANCE that things might work out for you, don't you still wish to try out?

i don't wanna regret.

i wanna KNOW for sure, the very outcome of my attempt.

i don't wanna regret that i didn't try it and NEVER know the result to trying it out.

i DON'T wanna live a life like you all.

i wanna LIVE my own EVENTFUL life.

i failed in succeeding with JC course, although i feel stupid and nearly got into depression, i don't really regret it so much (until once in a while when people put me down, mentioning it).

at least i tried.

and i know FOR SURE that i'm not the JC substance.

no matter if i studied or not, i still can't make it.

and i learned in my 1st year, how lonely it is to be without any friend.

i learned that i shouldn't pretend to be what i am not, or it will slowly eat u up and suffocate you and then result in endless days of crying and praying for the day to end and then another and another.

can't any of you understand this feeling?

why can't you all support me?

give me a chance?

and stop slamming me a "NO", "STOP THINKING TOO HIGHLY OF URSLEF" and "YOU THINK YOU ARE THAT GOOD?" and all those negativities without even understanding the situation.

spare me a thought too!

think of how u would feel if you are in my shoes!

do u wanna feel as shitty as me now, if you were in the same situation?!

seriously, i hate you all.

i hate you all for proving to me that i was right about you guys being not supportive.

for being crude.

for being only capable of listening to your own thoughts.

My artwork during Sec3's elective Art class.

It never fails to bring a smile to my lips whenever i see my painting still in school hanging at that particular pillar.

To me, it represents the little place in school that remains despite the changing 3yrs.

a place where once we were young and wild and free~

Big thank you to my one and only 黄叔叔, who helped me complete this replica.

i may be slightly better than some others in arts, but my uncle is definitely the best!
Guiding and helping me seek to finish this work despite his busy workload =)

P.S: i wish this painting shall forever hang at this special corner, just like my uncle's artwork that still hangs in his old school too.

laugh all u want.

best if u knock urself out laughing.

but this is only the max to what i can do with an eyeliner + mascara -.-

joo said its okay, but i dont know if she is just trying to be nice, cause she laughed damn hard before that.

haix...

should i wear it and ask my aunt tml?

...

..

.

i think i should.

but most likely she is going to throw me tons of insult before teaching me the correct way to apply -.-

AS USUAL.

just to recap, my aunt just dropped me another millionaire question ytd (as if she never).

She threw me a beauty magazine and told me

"your friends look 19 taking photos with a 9 yrs old, read this and help yourself"

and the previous time

"they said girls become beautiful at age 18 (a chinese saying), why aren't you?"

i got to admit this much about my aunt, her ability to K.O me is just terrifying.

just one sentence out of her mouth, it always landed up becoming the most profound question that i believed even the nation's best scientist can't solve.

then again, maybe its because it involves ME, that's why everything becomes a mystery...

anyway, i think that the "photos" which ignited my aunt to think this way would be the most recent ones taken on Chien's birthday.

why?

its just because being out with them that day, even i feel weird and out of picture.

Dii and Chien were in an one-piece, that would more than suffice for an office-wear and did i mention they looked beautiful?

Chien carried a small, bulky Guess handbag while Dii daunt a new big hangbag that we both thought look great.

then Qiao ling came along with a slightly more casual grey-coloured long sleeves and skirt.

and you don't need my opinion on her.

i mean, when did Qiao ling ever look bad?

this is the girl that i know is beautiful since i 1st saw her!

and i was in a graphic tee + skirt and my high-cut shoes

(the only footwear i could wear with my blister)

i didn't feel so weird at first, about myself at the least.

i was only like "wow..." when i saw my girlfriends.

it was only when i saw our reflection in those freaking glasses, while waiting for the MRT train to come then do i see the GREAT differences.

and i remember thinking to myself "omg -.- i look like some kid who just collided into these 3 beautiful girls." and if i did indulge in that thought for long enough, maybe my guardian will come screaming after me for being such a naughty kid and yank me back by one ear, while apologising to the 3 strangers.

ㅠ_ㅠ

however, what i'm usually wearing are hoodies when other people wear it, especially celebrities, they look young NOT CHILDISH!

then again, it can be due to the difference in height too.

i am a freaking 155 and they are all in the 160s.

and all 3 of them are in heels, which only heighten the difference.

now i see why my mom told me its HIGH-time i learned to walk like a human in heels and my ah ma rubbing it in on the subject.

THANK YOUs to all my lovely friends who tried to make me feel better,namely

Yingying (as usual, without fail she will be there)

Jooyu (who told me eyeliner&foundations are must-have)

Belle (for telling me just eyeliner)

Soen (for volunteering to do my makeup, even though i suspect she is doing it for her own entertainment, still, thanks)

Yvonne (for telling me its okay to look young than look like an adult-wannabe)

and lastly, my crazy "sister" Peiting (for telling me to wear Auntie Lucy's clothes -.-)

you girls are great!

and moreover, i watched many youtube videos on "how to makeup to look older", "teens makeup", "asian makeup" and "natural makeup" last night.

its HORRIBLE i tell you.

its even more complicated than painting, to ME.

even the supposedly "nude" makeup, which is to apply very little material, actually took around 5-6 products to complete the look.

and hell was it complicated.

and then i saw this video that was meant to make fun of how the teenagers in the western country do their makeup.

IT TOTALLY TURN ME OFF!

but that was before i read the description and realise it was to make fun of people and hell was my face literately like this 0.0

those girls in the West might as well just dunk their faces into black oils and paint their face with real wall paints.

*bleah!*

and so, i think it goes down to the way i behave.

i may talk and think mature at times, but maybe unconciously, my brain made me act too childish.

that's why i, in turn look childish.

now i suddenly got an idea for my birthday present.

i want a makeover to make me look my age or young& not childish at least.

an amazing day i must say!

in the morning, ying2, yoke hong, yangqin, beng and i met at yishun mrt station and had lunch at the nearby S11, while waiting for wei yang (who just booked out).
when wei yang finally came, it seemed like making the meeting time early was in vain.
we still ended up going to East Coast Park in the afternoon =.=

we took a bus, which we thought would land us up in ECP directly, but apparently the bus company didm't realise by writing "weekend routes", it includes saturday too.
Hence, we had to get off and take another bus to reach our destination.
But! the Mr. Bean green tea soya ice-cream corn made it worthwhile, to me xD
so we reached the place around 2p.m.

All of us rented bikes, except for yangqin and wei yang, who opted for skates.
we journeyed from the shop along Mac area to the jetty and then back again.
At the jetty, we took a well-deserved rest (or at least for the skaters) and had a group photo taken.

Then around 6p.m, we took 2 buses back to reach the steamboat place near kathib camp.
Over there, we met with thong tai, meng hui and also the sickly xue jun.
i guess im not really the steamboat person.
in the end i ate more man tou than anything that i can rmb eating xD
it was de~licious! and cute!

then after our meal, daddy CH joined us and we took a group photo (as seen above).
Then the remaining of us (yh, yq, wy, bf, mh, me) split into 2 cabs and went down to safra to play pool.
daddy and gor then joined us later at the pool area.
i dont know if its the people or the game that we played, but that was the part of the whole day of activities that left me with the deepest impression!
while the rest of the boys were playing pool, yh, yq, wy and i were playing the game yq suggested - 猜拳!
and man did the boys showed their true colours!!!
meng hui and yoke hong were the gentlemen and even when they won the game, they didn't hit us (yq and i) hard on our palms la!
then the DEVILS! - daryl, wei yang and bengfong!
or rather, just daryl and wei yang!
due to our seating arrangement, if daryl wins, he gets to punish yq with a strike on her poor forehead while wei yang on mine.
and NO ONE!
i repeat, NO ONE dares to let daryl hit his/her forehead.
everyone agreed that if he did strike, maybe a hole will be formed in our forehead.
and beng fong (who gets to hit daryl) doesn't dare to win much either, fearing that he might not make it back home alive.

and so the game begun!
with the previous few games, i was rather good till lady luck left me at my most crucial round with these DEVILS!
daryl got to strike at yq's forehead twice or more with his fingers and that poor girl was rather sore from it!
then wei yang got to strike at mine for 4-5 times consecutively!
and man did he not miss his chance at all.
even i was so amazed at either his luck/ my misfortune and the whole gang laughed till stomach ache at me getting punishment again.

after all those tortures, we head down to northpoint's Mac for weiyang and daryl's meals.
and then around 2+ in the morning (1st time i went home so "EARLY"), wy, yq, bf, yh and i got into a cab and sent me back home first.

It was a long day, but i have to agree with yq that it felt so short a time while we were playing with our friends!
and though most of our conversations were revolving around NS stories, it was incredibly enjoyable~ ♥
i wish that our happy times together never ends and that there will DEFINITELY be more fun coming our way in the future! ^^

i ♥ u guys!
많이 많이 사랑해~ ♥

It was the eve of Qiao Ling's birthday (17.03.2010) and this little gathering was very last min.
i was suddenly informed of a gathering at 6.30pm when i was outside having a movie treat with my lovely kids, Raymond and Pamela.

So, i rushed down shortly after my brief dinner with the kids, to Causeway Point.
And surprisingly(?) i was the first to reach with Dii who was also on the same train.
Dii got herself a beautiful hair colour that is like honey brown which suits her skin colour a lot!
and then comes the Star, who despite her already tall-build, wore platform shoes that made it even more tiring for me to talk to her on ground level.
and then the queen of tardiness, liyi joined us with her trademark T-shirt and shorts combination, combined with her latest hair highlight.

I have to agree, girls do change so fast in the shortest period of time... haix...
(i feel old and left out T_T)

We (or rather just them 3) had their main course at Jack's Place.
Maybe its because we haven't seen each other much lately, we buried the whole place in our endless chatters, only able to hear hear ourselves speaking only xD
(sorry to that day's customers)
and then we have ourselves some sinful treats at Gelare and stuffed our faces full with a 8 scoop ice-creams plate topped with oreo cookies.
Nothing wash down all tiredness from work as good as sweet stuff do! ^^

Then we decided to re-visit our old-school activities such as playing at Times Zone!
Dii was like "it feels so weird now that we neither belongs to the kids playing here nor the ah peks who are playing with the candy machine."
Although its night time, there were just too many ppl around to play.
And so we tried to entertain ourselves with the vacant dance machine which captivated us with the "Tell me" song from the Wonder Girls.
We danced ourselves silly with mostly a F grade xD
then the 3 moved onto the Bishibashi machine and finally the ball-throwing one near the entrance point.
And seriously, i think i'm too old for arcades T_T
i was so tired out after 2 rounds at that machine and so were the girls.
So we exchanged the points for 2 bottles of bubble-blowing solution and sat outside Civics Centre to chit chat.

Maybe working is indeed very stressful.
Dii ditched her image big time, when she flopped down on the floor with her legs wide-open, like those white-collars who are drunk on the street.
and then with the Apple Aloe-vera carton in one hand, she drank and sighed and then bang that large carton on the floor while talking xDDD
it was epic!

the talk wasn't super funny, but because of the companies i had with me, i laughed my butt off.
some days, i just wish that i can go out all night long with ALL my friends and have fun without a care for curfew.

stupid curfews just kills all fun in life.

Went Ikea with Jooyu and Shina last week and got to eat the "legendary" beef balls that everyone praised.
and hell was it savory!

After seeing all the exhibits that they displayed in the shop, i got an urge to turn my room outside down and then refurnish it to my liking!
But all things must start small in order not to let it be too overwhelming.
Hence, i bought this cute light to replace my childish spaceship-concept reading light, that was by the way, breaking down into bits literately.

and now at night, my room is always in a romantic mood - even though its too dim for reading books =.=

this just pretty summarized my own problem too.
With the shooting club juniors and friends laughing at my shiny forehead, after training.
some even laughed while saying
"OMG! you reminds me of uncle Leong!!!"

=.-
G.R.E.A.T!
now i look like uncle leong who is well-know for being so bald that it looks like he used kiwi clean to wax his head, till it shines.

poor poor old me...

fuck!
because my dumb CPU component got burnt, and thus i have to buy a new one, i lost ALL of my past diary posts that i saved inside that fucking computer!
together with a bunch of old photos that holds lots of memories!
and i mean GOOD memories!
the time when i was way back in sec 2...

maybe its an indication from god that i should be making new memories. good ones at that!