Hmm... since no one from my class would read it, i guess it is safe to speak my mind ba=) I'm dying to write about my thoughts since don't know when.

I'm not joking when i say that i don't mind repeating JC1, since

1. i don't have any friend in 01/08 (those who read the previous 2nd entry would know i was having a hard time)
2. i don't have a good foundation like the rest of the people and A'lvl is the true goal.

My definition of friend is that of a person who i can freely share my opinion with and uses sarcasm/vulgarity/rude comment with, but is able to understand that we both do not mean anything hurtful to each other. but rather, because we understand each other so well that we know we are just expressing ourselves only.
Someone who i'm just comfortable with, in general.

i'm very particular about the term "friend" too. it is only reserved for people who fits my above definition. when i introduce people who i'm with, for example my class, i would ONLY use the term "classmates"/"schoolmates".
FRIEND to me, is a sacred word.

even though i'm now tagging with another 2 girls, i always use the word "classmates" when i refer to them. They aren't bad, seriously. in fact, they are 2 very pretty and sweet girls. but i just feel so uncomfortable when i'm with them, but even worse when i'm with the rest of the class (they are those 吃番薯 )... that's why i'm sticking with them, at least till its go-home time.

1. the 2 of them are best friends, so they basically know each other so well that they can predict what colour is the other's underwear. and imagining myself in their shoes, having a 3rd party is such a pain in the ass la! not only do u have to constantly try to remember that there is still another human being living and breathing while you 2 are talking about something that makes u hyper, you must also try to talk in her language too!
2. being pretty = boys are naturally attracted to you. its true! the guys (the 3 out of 4 bball boys), are constantly in conversation with them. one of them is my pw leader, so i'm quite used to him talking to the girl who is also in our group, already. normally i would just pretend to do something/listen to my music (SO PEOPLE, DO YOU KNOW WHY I'M LIKE NEVER W/O MY IPOD AND TRYING TO RUIN MY EARS WITH BLASTING MUSIC?) but this is hurting me on the inside. i always thought that if i ever get a chance at making friends, they would be the ones. cause i'm just like a guy and i talk the way they do (ah-beng style), but they just doesn't seem to accept me, even as a classmate. somewhat i feel that they despise me... maybe because i'm a pain to their eyes, seeing that i'm always near the girls...*sigh* in fact, i'm now very sure that they hate me.

i even remember that i felt so outcast that that particular day, when Wei Hao ( the funny malaysian bballer) walked to each table and asked the people out to eat together for lunch. When he approached our table (we were in our pw grp), he looked ONLY at Xiu Han and Tai Huat and invited them along. even though he let out so much information, i didn't go with them. because i have this thing about me that is that, if people really want you to be there, they would ask you. So when the class was out for lunch, i was at my usual spot, trying to get over the whole thing. but its always the little things that matters to me! so while trying to divert my attention with a call home to tell ah ma that i will be eating dinner at home, i ended up broking into tears... "damn it! there is like 2 school attendents the table beside you! girl, pull yourself together!" was all i could think of. and so i hang up half-way and sob quietly, lying head down on the table. but having such a FREAKING IDIOTIC BRAIN, all the previous memories about how this is not just the 1st time i was outcasted, i cried for a long time, until eventually, the 2 kind attendents came over to me to ask what happened. knowing that they would not know my class, since my class is those that would not mix with these "low-class people" in school, i told them that i had no friend. They comforted me and so on and so forth. i was really thankful, since i just broke up with liyi too and these things are seriously getting to me too much.
So much so that all i want to do was to quit school and hopefully return to the past and hit the restart button and start off anew! maybe if i'm lucky, i would go to another school and find people who i can call friends!
so practically i couldn't study/ do anything. i took comfort in eating and ate a lot more than usual! it's sort of like punishing myself, for being the way that i am, the way which causes people not to like me, let alone to befriend me.... it was a really dark period for me. and i could think of no one. NO ONE at all to help me. so there would be days where i just reach home, close my door and weep the day away till i was too tired and fall asleep. to top that, it was my birthday period. where others would feel happy, i already prepared myself for a gloom birthday(however, the 4 friends who i made during orientation, but because of our course, we don't really see each others, made my day =] and of course the people who remembered me!) but it was just 1 day after all... i returned back to the same vicious cycle. the most painful part is that i KNOW i was in a vicious cycle, i KNOW i need to do something to salvage myself, but i just can't stop my heart from taking control of my body! it lasted for 2+ months? i can't really remember how long, but i know it was a snowballed-effect. all the emotions from the start of the year till now.

Even though now, the bball boys do include me a little in their conversation, because its simply hard to ignore me when i INITIATED it. it would be rather awkward to ignore someone as loud as me. i'm slightly more used to the girls too. especially Xiu Han, since we are in the same group, conversation is essential to make sure we aced our PW. with the girls, when i don't agree with what they are talking about, i just simply pretend i didn't hear it (since they are talking to each other in the very 1st place)/smile like an idiot. the thing about smiling though is that i do so, so often that other people thinks that i'm VERY HAPPY and COMFORTABLE in that very group.

now i'm still praying to leave that class, despite being 1% more used to them.
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^ remember this from my old blog?

i was so stupid as to think that no one would find out... haha... must had hit my head real bad to think so...

eventually my ex-form teacher ms rahman saw it and tried to talked to me about a few weeks before the final presentation exam. she was all sympathetic and trying to be real nice to me, even though i'm a pain in the butt xD

i thought it would end there. but i was WRONG as usual xD
*all these "hahaS" u see here are simply targeted at myself, dont mind me*

the 2 girls found it today.. after so many months, they found it. and it hurt them enough to want to reply my 18th Oct's post on their 29th Jan's post.

i'm NOT regretting that i wrote what i wrote, cause i can't afford to feel sorry. i feel that if i say sorry to them, i'm denying my feelings again, repeating what i did last year... i want to remain true to myself, even though it may lead others to thinking that i'm a selfish bastard... (okay, BITCH or bastard, your pick)

gi gi: can't find xh's tagboard, so just replying in urs. i'm not sorry abt what i said ^^ its okay if u all hate me now. however, i learn to like the class better only when it's the EOY
gi gi: and whatever i said around this time really did apply. the only thing that i felt bad abt is that if i had known tt there is a rumour abt me, then i should fess up earlier.

feeling so lonely...

especially after watching the fancams on BIGBANG playing with their mini-meS...

how i wish i can be young forever...
and have people to openly dote on me... play with me...

how i always wish that i have a big brother who would want to teach me how to play sports or a big sister who would brush my hair and ties them for me...

all i want is just an elder person to love me lots and play with me like i am their evergreen new toy. forever that interesting and precious, making them want to treasure it and bring with them, by their sides... flooding me with their love...

change of plan.

xiao gu said that i may not be able to lose that much weight, but mei mei definitely can, by percentage calculation =.=
so ah ma decided that she will motivate me by making the plan change to
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..

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"if you lose 5 kg, i will give you $100"

now that is indeed easier! but still so out of reach T.T
( my "easy" money!!!!!! *sob sob*)

oh ya, normally during these bets right, when the stake is raised high, i never win before =.=

like in pri 2, my uncle told me that if i got 1st in class, he would give me ALL the money in his bank + 5 helicopters + 5 aeroplanes! even if he doesn't have that much moola, also will find a way to fulfill that bet, IF i get 1st, that is.
and the reason behind the EXAGGERATED stake is because he knew since i was borned that "NG GI GI IS NOT MEND FOR STUDYING SMART" =.=

so indeed! i only got 2nd in class and move off to the top class in my level the next yr...

but then another discovery i made is that i tend to turn dumber each yr. so i was at my smartest when i was in kindergarten =.=

New motivation to lose 10kg!

ah ma, ah gong and shu shu will give me $100 EACH if i lose 10kg!!!!

OMG!!!!

so even if its SUPER DIFFICULT, i will also try my best le!!!
think of all the nice things that i can get myself!!!! headphones, bags, shoes, accessories etc!!!

oh ya! mei mei also. but bonus is if she reach a certain weight, ah ma will give her $500 instead!!!

黄嘉嘉!!! so must jia you k!!! for the sake of the money!!!! xDDD

seriously super fed up with that Mak Li Yi!!!

i don't know where she went out to, to play with her new friends or really "study", but she is freaking unreliable! At first told me she also want to join in and go Dii's school and surprise her for her 18th birthday (what i had always wanted since last yr) with a cake. Then i suggested a bunch of ideas for Dii's present, finally decided to buy her a mp4, cause dear said she wanted one but then her mommy doesnt want to let her get one. then she said okay, so i told her the no-brand one at the bus interchange there, go check it out, since she has trgs to go to and also sch, so will go pass that place a lot.

and INDEED! she pass by that place MANY TIMES~ but she just literally PASS BY and didnt tell me any shit until i called her up or smsed her about the price. (elaborated later at ***)

What the hell?!

then just this morning, she smsed me in the morning
(first time she taking initiative, so goddamn impressed!!!! even my tears also dropping le~ =.=)
saying that sop wouldnt be able to make it due to cca (fine, cca is impt i know that) and then i asked her, so u want to go with me? her reply was "huh..? their training ends at 6.30 -7.00 very late already... i dont think i can go..."

i was freaking pissed off la! past few days already told her to check the their trg out and then decide whether to still go or not, then she wait until the day itself then say! (but i already know that beforehand with my initiative) so i damn irritated and told her "=.= forget it! i will go myself!"

***then i came back from trg and rmbed that liyi still hasnt tell me the price yet, so i called her. "oh... just now i went there but no body ard, so i didnt ask"
and what went through my comparatively dumb brain (as to liyi's) was that, "why on earth dont u tell me then?!" but then i just chose not to reply. i went down to the place and asked the price and then called her up again to ask what colour should we pick and want to ask the rest to share? she heard the price and said "hmmm... even if the rest dont want to share, we 2 split, i'm also fine with it" (Woah~ she is willing to spend so much on Dii like i do...) then later when i finally bought the mp4, a bloody msg from her goes like this "err... actually its a bit ex... YOU go ask the rest whether they want to share or not..." i tell u, my head seriously was smoking there and then! i was thinking
...
..
.
"What the hell?! end up i think of the present, i go ask about the price of the present, i bought the present and then i delivered the cakes and present! and YOU! do absolutely nothing at all! u think u supreme Queen is it?!"

but still, i didnt told her that. then there was a time when i called and she didnt pick up and i was placed with the difficult choice of whether to buy memory card and add another 10 bucks to the already pricey present or not. then i just decided not to on my own. she smsed to say sorry and that she was in the toilet, so cant pick up. but i was already too furious with all her actions all together so i just smsed back
...
..
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"Never mind. This would not affect my impression of you, since it has been set since last year. nothing can make it worse"

and most of you already knows what happened between us last year le, at least from my point of view. and then from there she didnt reply anymore *smirk* i have the last win~

oh ya! one more agonising thing she did! she apparently did asked the other girls whether they agreed on mp4, but at that time we were talking about secondhand ipod, so its ex and everyone was against it. and apparently they are still against it but agreed to share when they see the mp4 that i bought.

"gigi, why u buy that? i thought we chat with liyi online before that its ex, so change plan?"
(sze sing & wam ting)
"WHAT?! that person told me no shit la! keep on telling her to help out and then she NEVER report back at all! how would i know? see! my sms all dont have a single one saying u all object!"
(me)
"my msn also got keep track of our conv that night lor... haix... never mind"
(wan ting)

even now i am still super irritated with her! cant even make it to her own dear's birthday and despite her illness (therefore she cant go trg for the week) she still told me she is outside when i first called her today to ask if she checked out the price! definitely out with her new classmates, cause even the girls are already familiar that she hangs out with those 3 guys only. i really destest these kind of ppl! its going to be probably the last yr that we are so close to each other and a bit of ur time will kill?! rather go out and dont-know-do-what then to celebrate ur DEAR getting legal!

i think the next time i hear her tell Dii that she loves her, i'm going to puke at the lousy act

YESSS!!!

i did it! i bought ICE-CREAM KF350 today!!!! *kyaa~!!!!*

however, its practically out of stock in 90% of the shops that i visited in Chong Pang lor... so when mei mei and i checked out the other singtel shop and it offers only either vanilla/pistachio, i was seriously thinking whether i want to wait for tomorrow where the first singtel shop where we bought mei mei's vanilla will have receive strawberry de stocks lor!

but then being me, i die die also dont want to wait so long la!!!!
first time i wanted a phone so badly okay! *pout*

so in the end i bought pistachio~
(although its not the prettiest colour, but my love for it will make it outshine all the other colours! ^^ i'm confident about it!)

here is how it looks like =)
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..

.

love it!!! *hearts!!!*

mei mei& dii got vanilla
me with pistachio
and ann is soon going to buy strawberry

we have matching handphones~ ^^

SOOOO happy!!!! *kyaa!!!*

Boys, don't say that i'm not a brother for not reminding you all this, which i came across in reading my online manga

...

..

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I WANNA TEAR MY MOTHER'S HAIR OFF HER BLOODY HEAD!!!!! *ARRRGGGH!!!!!*

i'm freaking willing to pay for this phone and yet she doesn't give me MY RIGHT to buy one!

what the hell?!!!

this is against my bloody human rights!!!!!

and for your information, i want this phone

LG KF350 ICE-CREAM (STRAWBERRY)
STUPID MOMMY I HATE YOU!!!! *pout*

that does it =.=

my aunt popped this GA-ZILLION dollars question at me
...
..
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"How come i see other girls of 18 looking prettier than ever and you aren't?"

*fall into a whirlpool*

*defeat*

i'm hurt...

I DID IT! ^^

i kept to my vow to stay true to myself and i had fun! =)
i went to 01/08 chalet and just be myself, the nutty and unpredictable old Gi Gi *hehee*
i helped out, i joked, i played, i shared and cared for the people in my own way.

Zhi Hao told me "哇~你睡在地上，很 man 喔~!"

and in a way, it made me feel super proud xD
because all the girls were like in the room sleeping on the beds (room is therefore already packed =.=) or like ZhangLu, sleeping on the couch with a blanket on, all in a very comfy environment, or else not sleeping and out playing la.
then i was there a bit lifeless after watching 3 movies with the Wei Hao they all. until 6 to 7+ a.m then fell asleep unknowingly.
i liked the fact that i was acknowledged as someone manly VERY MUCH~!
but i don't deny that when i see Wei Hao being so caring towards Zhanglu, helping her to put on blanket and together with me, we moved off to let her have the whole couch, it makes me feel that its really nice to have people to take care of me too =]

oh well~ too bad! XD i'm a TRUE cancerian who just likes to take care of people, therefore its impossible to have people other than my ah ma who could possibly outbeat me and take care of me.

I'M THE MAN YO!