everytime i get fed up with my own self, which is like at least once a month (its only a matter of whether its as serious as last yr or not), i will wish and hope and pray for a "reset" button and then restart my life anew.

but the thing is that whenever i said that i'm going to start off right and anew this time round, i will not last for more than 2 days at it and then fail again! its a vicious cycle that has repeated itself for the past 6 yrs. i really don't wish for this to happen ever again! but i'm far too weak to curb myself from temptations. therefore nothing that i decided on can stick for long.

i really want the last "renew" and start again this time round. give it my best and stick to it.
(although it sounds just like the previous tens of promises i made, but i still want a final one.
this one.)
if anyone knows of a way to make my determination there, please help me. i dont want to be a failure for the rest of my life. i would rather die.

Sometimes people say that

"if you like someone, you should also like all the things that there is to them."
and i believe strongly in that and am doing so...

however, when ever i hear other people talk otherwise about the people i love, it makes me think back and wonder if i'm just blindly loving them...

so what is "loving others" in reality?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

because i envy you, i admire you, i want to be like you, that's why i love you more and more with each passing moment.
and this love is getting so out of hand that sometimes i cant help but want to destroy you... because you are the everything that i crave to be...

지용씨 미안해...